i don't like sucking hair
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
