best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My cat gives me a boner
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
