ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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