never play flip cup with pint glasses
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Send help, water and tortillas.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
