did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
