dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
the liver wants what the liver wants
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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