i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
