i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
