Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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