she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
