So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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