It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
