I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
