I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
