I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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