the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
