first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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