summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
