You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
