No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
