We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
