My friends, they love my intelligence
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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