ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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