i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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