She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
