Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she smelled like a LAN party
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
