I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
