I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
