wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
