Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
