You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
