come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
