Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
