If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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