I accidentally had phone sex last night
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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