the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
