I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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