It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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