i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
