I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
this just has baby written all over it
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
