I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
