I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
