if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
