I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just blew my weed a kiss
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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