You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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