that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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