How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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