..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
