This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
