I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
