i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
