you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
